From my daily devotional:
"Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?" Matthew 8:26
"It is when crisis arives that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to place our trust in Him, the crisis will reveal that we can go to the point of breaking, YET without breaking our confidence in Him." (My Utmost for His Highest)
My recent anger with God (and with life and everything about it) has revealed that I'm more than angry with God. I haven't thought for one moment that I had lost my faith in Him. After all, I still believe that He is the one and only Almighty, that He is in control, that He answers prayer. But yesterday's devotion explained what I've been trying to figure out. Why has my anger been developing into a distrust of Him? I think I now understand!
I am at the point of breaking. But I'm forcing myself to hold onto my faith; I hold on because I know that life without God's guidance is a life I never want to live again. So why is it having to be forced? Because my mind tells me that I believe even though my heart tells me, "Don't let yourself get hurt anymore!!" I'm so weary of being let down - month after month, scan after scan, test after test. I'm weary of seeing families immersed in selfishness. I'm weary of the
old-adaged, albeit well-intentioned, encouragement that seems only to remind me that we still don't have a family (although, it also remindes me just how many friends and family we have who care).
In my weariness, I began to doubt God and His almighty power. But none of these things were God's doing; these are simply things of the world. Had I been daily nurturing, worshiping, and keeping Him in the forefront of my mind and actions, perhaps I would not have lost confidence in Him.
I never before realized that I am who Jesus is speaking to on the stormy seas in the 8th chapter of Matthew. But I am, and I must fully lean into Jesus, not just verbally or mentally, but in my spirit. It is only then that I will be able to hold onto my faith and trust in Him.
Psalm 128 says:
1 Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him.
3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house...
4 Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord.
I am holding onto this promise, in faith, through His strength - not my own.
